♥ Amistad to Amor ♥

"‎...I can't completely let

go of you.

or Let it go of us...

...All I can say is 

'I love you' 

more than I can say

I know you don't want

to hear it ...

... But it makes no sense

to pretend I don't!

I miss you with all of

me...

...Things get easier

But will never with you...

...Its not like that,

I want u with me

every-time But...

...Its just I don’t want

anyone

else to have you for a

second ... !!

...May be I will cry less

day by day

But the pain still lives

there...

...The love we shared

and gave to each-other

Will always remain in my

heart forever...."

 ♥

Missing Someone!

Someone!

Its been time since I've scratched my head, twitched my muscles and shook my brains to pen down something. Reasons were as always Simple and Silly.

Firstly, being in a college with the poorest of poor net connectivity is like living in Tihaad Jail. The administrators have just one emotion always regarding the amendments in JECRC Wi-Fi network, that is, blurting out a variant combination of words which are par above the reach of understanding and then at last quoting a statement,"Aage baat chal rahi hai! Do-teen din main ho jayega!"

Secondly,I was occupied.

I personally feel that as soon as I step into the college after a tiring bus/train journey of 10 hours, all the recent happenings and stories, build-ups and break-ups, fights and sights (of beauties, of course) with blessings and curses fall on my head. Not only these, with my first step into the esteemed gates of my Knowledge-house, even lectures and laboratory assignments fall onto me as if I am the only employee handling entire Google traffic on a Sunday.

These happenings, this time, were accompanied with a major political and half-romantic public-cum-private issue (Not To Be Discussed), which screeched to a sudden halt in my as well as my companions lives. But, I was neither extremely tensed nor felt a major setback cause me and my other two room-mates had a pre-thought of such a certain event to happen with a probability of 1. 

This was the backdrop of issue in my life. But, despite of the intense shock and trauma, I always had a Someone to make my life simpler and sillier everyday. That Someone would always have a talk with me, my sense and my deep inside hidden thoughts. Someone with whom I had all the leisure as well as pleasure time. Insane fights turning to intense quarrels making me separate to my Someone everyday. But as the night passed everyday, and a jubilant morning spread ed its visage, I would Re-find Someone  in me. I may shout, I may like, I may sit and chatter on till infinity, I may force my insane and idiotic psychologies, I may even at times abuse, I may even wake up Someone at the gong of midnight (which in college usually is around 0300 hours), and despite these complications and complex network of truly rubbish facts, Someone was always there to listen. No words from Someone, no retreats back on even being right and true. We may quarrel or even attempt to kill each other (which mostly i did), but even then we had a PERFECT WORLD of our own. 

Why, today, am i weeping so much? 

Cause, today, even if I shed tears and cry or yell or even burst out, there is No Reply from Someone! 

SOMEONE is gone forever, into the lost strands of time where even time travel would not get It back for me. I may be wrong in my behavior towards It. But, today, through my Blog Card 4, I would like to say to  Someone  that,

You may sit and watch me cry,

knowing the pain I am in, 

I am unable to show emotions, 

until the endless tears begin. 

A piece of me is dying, 

and lying on the floor.

The dreams I had are over 

and can only be no more.

If sadness shown up like beauty,

I'd be brighter than the sun, 

gazed upon by wondering eyes 

and till the end loved by Someone!

I am Sorry!

Missing Someone!

:-(:-(

BLANK

Sometimes, you are stuck in a situation where you've got trillions of words to say but not a single to jot down. I, presently, feel my selves to be stuck in a similar unavoidable and regenerative passage of time where I've got a bunch of raw Data to speak about and also a device to display its Output (The Abandoned Rainbow) but no Central Processing Unit to Process the data to meaningful Information.

This simply means:-

"The Computer  of my life is Hacked and in other simpler words Zindgi Jhand Hai!"

Now to draw you attention, I wrote the word HACKED in above line instead of Crashed cause the interference of some bugs has considerately increased in past few days of my life! And the other emphasizing fact behind the word is that you get hacked only when you do a bit of Karastani.


Re visiting the stranger tides of time, I recall that my mom's quote every now and then when I ran into her lap hiding and saving my selves from a heap of monstrous problems, in order that she, being my mom, would always support me even when I am wrong.

"Beta! Mere laal! Tu aise muh mat chipa. Tu bhi koi dhudh ka dhula nhi hai!"

 So,holding hands with some of the Karastani's and bugs, lets roll onto the Blog 3 of my life.


Before an start, my mind just clicked a few lines of Enrique's best:-

"Maybe you were right 

But baby I was lonely

I don't want to fight 

I'm tired of being sorry."

Sorry, I didn't do this!
Sorry, that was not my fault!
Sorry, I won't repeat it!
Sorry, it wasn't me!
Sorry, I didn't mean it!

My life has turned into a sorry-cum-begging job now-a-days. I keep on committing mistakes, and plea for a sorry and then again, few more mistakes. It often happens that often while having a chai with one of my beloved friend, he exclaims that "Raghu! You are a magnet to mistakes." And to which whenever I ponder back in free time and feel that he's absolutely right. Some xyz  problem related with some abc person has to have a set of problem associated with me and to which I respond in a way making another set of distinguished errors and then I come up with no solution except one word and that is SORRY! 

I guess as many sets of sorry I would have spoken, listening to that even Mahatma Gandhi would have said that, "One should forgive everyone, except Mr. Raghvendra Singh Rao!"

Along with being "So Sorry", I've another featured quality in me which has recently developed and that is temper. I am too short- tempered. This quality rocketed along with my age and I foresee it that in near future if i didn't had a stick on it, it will reach uncontrollable heights. Presently, in my college, I've had up a stranded relation with almost everyone once in a while cause of my ill-tempered nature. I presume that its kind of out of frustration or due to unsatisfied nature of me. Its a human nature thing to me. 

I've trying to work on reducing the sorry and anger part separately but as soon as I am stuck in a problem where i get angry and with that even I have to be sorry, I blurt out loads of uncensored data which drives the close one away. I've seen many of my friends who preferred to stay cause of of this simple silly reasons.

So dear friends and even the two most beautiful sisters who would surely read this blog page, I, Raghvendra, say that I am trying pretty hard to work things out. But still to those many people who have had troubles cause of me, I celebrate with them my own discovered week of forgiveness. I am particularly sorry to everyone with whom I might have quarreled in this so small span of my life.:-))

And since, I still have to live much of it I'll try to have peaceful relations amongst us!

Hopefully you people out there forgive me.

Bbye! Cya!

Love you!

F.R.I.E.N.D.S

Friends! The First, and I guess most important word, which I think of every consecutive day of my life. Everyday with the shower of first sunlight on my bed, (This happens around 9.30 in morning), I just wake up and really one question startles me, "Is there someone in loo?" And then, when I turn around my head I find that my other three super awesome stud roomies have gone to attend their lectures. A sign of relief appears on my face then, but there is no one to see that!

This is daily routine. But the reason I am sharing all this is because with the very beginning of the day I travel across the threads of time and make a one-moment journey from year 2009 to present day. How complicated life has grown or is it still wonderful is  beyond my understanding now-a-days. 

To run away from this in-explainable scene, I write this BLOG 2 of mine.

Retracing the footprints on sands of time, I would like to say there was really a world LIFE associated with me at the end of 12th grade, strictly due to following reason.

The only, the most lovely, and the most accountable reason was MAHOOL. This word can have infinite meanings. 

"Subah school mein masti marna, classes bunk krna, chutti k time pohe ya vada paav khane jana, ek-ek paise k liye marna, ghar aana, do-teen chapati kha k ghode bech k so jana, fir ring-ring krke 4:30 bje uthna, Cambridge k liye taiyyar hona, 3 gante coaching pe bakar marna, break time main Shastri Sweets ko lutna, ya class mein plane bna k udana, 8 bje class off hoke "EK PYARI SI DUNIYA MEIN CHALE JANA", fir dosto ka aana,unka chillana k abey ghar nhi jana kya? (Yeh wala dialogue specially is credited to my one of the dearest friends of all time, Sandeep Jain). Fir via FS hote hue, no doubt making remark on each and every beauty which crossed us on our way back, I reached home sweet home. And since I never liked horses so unko bechta or fir so jata."

 Yhi zindgi thi tab or main khush tha. I WAS REALLY HAPPY!!

But today life has completely changed, only the memories remain, occupying every bit of my heart and brain. Sometimes a tear rolls down, and asks me, "why couldn't I help myselves?"

"---BLANK---" is my reaction.

I had big plans for writing this post. But, lack of time and as well no net connectivity has restricted my words. And to be honest I am very much afraid to hurt a few beautiful  hearts. I shall soon write back on this post.

To be continued....

Have a nice time!

Cheers!